It's done.

It's done
It's the end
and you have won.
will I mend?

The heart is broken
The tears have spilled
The monster has awoken.
I'm waiting to be killed

And what have you gained?
From this tragic chagrin.
The cry of pain?
The tear of skin?

You had gained my trust
But now where does it go
Does it turn to dust
Out cold in the snow?

You've just lost
All that you earned
My fingers crossed.
That you have learned.

What if

What if I wanted to?
would I
get high
go crazy
get drunk
What if I did those things?
would you
cry
laugh
run
What if I accepted the consequences
would I
care
learn
grow
What if I didn't stop
would you
love me?
hug me?
stop me?
What if I did
Would You Care?

Please see through my mask

The mask that hides everything
The pain
the guilt
the love.
Understand
I care
I live
I love
I don't know how
To show it
To be it
To love it
Please see through my mask

The scary things are

The scary thing is
that if I had a gun,
I could have been gone with one pull of the trigger
if I had a razor,
The pool of blood could have gotten bigger and bigger
if you hadn't noticed
I would have been covered in scars

If she didn't stop me

I would have run through the cars
If there was no tomorrow
There would be no way to hope
If I didn't cut
There would be no way to cope
If there was someone to trust
I would be better
If I had someone to talk to
My face wouldn't be wetter
If he didn't leave me
I wouldn't have cried
If you had loved me
I wouldn't have died

Sixbillionsecrets.com

Every suicide has a murderer.


The killer? Society.

You may ask "why do you say this?" My daughter killed herself because she thought she was fat.

Society told her she was fat. She was only eight years old.

Unfinished and stupid

The dreary walls of the bathroom stall were blurry through my tear filled eyes. Why did I have to lose it here? Why couldn't I bottle up my emotions until I got home? Now people might start to worry. Stupid girl, what have I done to my cover? I'm the perfect one. The skinny one, the popular one, the boy magnet, the goody goody, the one everybody wants to be. They will start to doubt me. Somebody will notice. Somebody has to. Right?
They teach you that the guidence counslers are here to help. You can go to them for any problem. But, what if I'm too scared to get help? What if I'm too scared to be like the others. What if I'm too scared to change? Will they notice? Will they ask the perfect kids, the perfect actors, will they ask me if I'm okay?
The thumb tack fell out of my hand, I had just taken it from the teachers desk before coming in here. To lose it, to cry my eyes out. It's okay if I stay in here for a long time, the others think that I'm just fixing my hair, or my makeup. Like the other popular girls. But I'm not like the others. No, I come in here to cry, to hurt, to bleed, not like the others.
Who can I go to? All my friends are fake. Those are the things you learn in the world of popularity. The more friends you have, the more backstabbers you have. But I don't need someone to talk to. I convince myself that I am fine. Even when I know I am not. Not once would I be asked, "are you okay?" Not once, would anybody care. Not once, would I have a chance to tell my story.

The tack dug into my fresh skin. A new scar would appear in about a week, Just a dot compared to the other deep gashes and long scars. Crisscrossed beautifully on the tan skin on my hip. It was artsy, one X there, and another swirling scar next to it. No one could figure out my secret by looking at my arm, or legs. I wore the skimpy bikinis like the other girls, but they all had to cover my hip. my 'birthmark' if anybody saw. I'm still normal. I'm still popular. Not once will I break down and cry infront of people. Not once will they ask me. Not once will I want them to.

Fine, Sarah wins. By this I meant to say that even the most perfect people you can think of, are probably hiding something. They have/had problems. Even if you don't know it, they too, are hurting inside. Even if they do seem perfect to you. So open your eyes, listen to the cries of help that so many people send. Help them.

Not even you can save me

Too much of life, hitting me all in the face at once. That was the problem. Yeah I was stressed, I felt unloved, alone, confused. That is what lead to the cutting. It wasn't anybodys fault, although I suppose people could take the blame for it. It was my fault. And I'm sorry, but not even you can fix me.
But don't worry, because I'm better now.  I have friends, I'm actually trying in school, and people love me. Or atleast I hope they do. I never know though. I can't take a compliment without thinking it over a couple times. I can't trust them. I can't trust anybody. With secrets, with ideas, with thoughts. Not even you can know me.
I don't even know IF you love me. I can't tell if you're faking it. I can't tell if you find me annoying. I can't tell unless you tell me. In my world, I might have 2 true friends, because all the people I know would talk about me behind my back. Not even you can be real.
Not even you can save me from myself.

27 scars and counting.

1 To eliminate the pain and stress from school
2 To experiment because one felt so good
3 To add, to become a new person
4 To be different
5 To prove to you that I wasn't okay
6 To see if anyone would notice it in plain view
7 You yelled at me when I was confused
8 You yelled
9 You yelled
10 You tried to help
11 You aren't helping
12 Nobody noticed
13 Nobody cares
14 Nobody loves me
15 Nobody knows
16 Nobody CAN know
17 I'm hiding
18 I'm falling apart
19 I'm scared
20 I'm confused
21 They know
22 They take me to see someone
23 They think I'm better
24 I'm not
25 Will anyone notice this time?
26 Will anyone care?
27 No one.
Alone
Afraid
Confused
Unloved

I need a hug.

please?

Why you?

Why you? You're perfect. You're caring, you're wonderful, you're beautiful, you're too good to be given this burden. This torture. This way of life.
You deserve better. You shouldn't have to hear everyones problems and deal with your own. You shouldnt have to get help, you should be perfect. You deserve to be perfect.
You shouldn't be bleeding, cutting, scarring. You shouldn't have to skip lunch and not finish your meals. You shouldn't have to worry. You shouldn't have to be anything but perfect.
You're amazing, you're talented, you're beautiful, you're cute, you're funny, you're wonderful, you're skinny, you're adorable, you're perfect.
Why can't you see that? Why can't I see it in myself? Why can't anybody see it in theirself? Why is the world such a messed up place?

Get away.

You walked into her room and saw the manikin. It was painted with reds, purples, pinks and whites. It was artistic. It looked pretty to anyone who walked in her room. But for the people who knew what it meant, it was a nightmare. The manikin was her. The purples matched the exact color of her bruises. The pinks of her scars. The red blood dripping from her wounds. The white of bones that were broken, and mended again. There wasn't enough room on the body, on her body for anymore wounds. She needed to get a new manikin, a new life, to start over. She needed to get away.

The girl.

The girl.
she doesnt think she's gorgeous
dyes her hair
wears makeup
designer clothes
and she's still quiet.

The girl.
she trys to be invisible.
quiet
average
shy
but she's still here.

The girl.
she's perfect.
icy blue eyes.
perfect body.
gorgeous hair.
let her know, She's beautiful.

The girl.
she's hurting
bleeding.
scabbing.
scarring.
and she's not getting better.

The girl.
refuses help
lonley
crying
depressed
and she's not okay.

The girl
who doesn't even know.
won't even realize.
she is utterly perfect.

The boy.
Thinks she's gorgeous.
with messy hair
with no makeup
with sweatshirts and sweatpants
he's her best friend.

The boy.
noticed the girl
being loud
being smart
being outgoing
he keeps her alive.

The boy.
knows she's perfect.
loves the way her eyes glow
her smile
her laugh
he lets her know, shes beautiful.

The boy.
trys to stop her
bleeding
scabbing
scaring
He helps her get better.

The boy.
helps her.
stays with her
drys her tears
makes her laugh
Wants her to be okay.

The boy.
knows.
he realizes
the girl is utterly perfect.

The boy.
stays with the girl
helps her
loves her
is her best friend.
They grow together.

The boy.
asks the girl out
nervously
apprehensively
excited
and The girl says yes.

They.
date
smile
laugh
for five years.

The girl.
trusts him
loves him
kisses him
hugs him

The boy.
loves her
cares for her
protects her
he proposes to her.

The girl.
crys tears of joy
smiles
for the first time happy.

The girl.
says yes
The boy.
starts planning

They.
got married
stay together.
'Till death do they part

The girl
got cancer.
was weak.
tiny.
fragile.

The boy
cared for her
helped her
loved her still
cried for her
was in pain as much as she was.

The girl
died
at 3:02 AM.
on May 11th.

The boy
was holding her in his arms
staying strong
giving her all his love
until the end.

The boy
got sick.
missed her
was weak.
wept for her
The boy followed her

The boy
died.
at 6:19 PM.
on July 24th.
their anniversary

They.
loved eachother until the end
kept eachother in their hearts

They.
are burried next to eachother
engraved is
"Here lies Guinevere and David Hunt
Sweethearts until the very end."